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Oh hello, I'm still here and the boy is still trying to figure out the exit.

We woke up an hour ago( I had dreams of giving birth on the train, breastfeeding with blood and being unable to hold his neck properly- am I anxious first time mother? Go figure), I felt Zs( my other half) playing with my hair and putting fingers in my ears and picking on me his old usual way( yes, he's almost 30 and about to become a father; this is why it's so exciting) and I felt for a second like I want to stop time and never give a birth and I cried a little bit inside because there will be never again just the two of us, our son will be here any day now. I know it's all great and what we wanted but I'm just scared we will lose each other a little bit. But then I'm sure we won't, or we'll find another way. I guess those are all normal feelings. And I'm learning to aknowledge them and carry on.