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Dear Janek,

one thing is for sure: this world is crazy and so is the time. It goes way too fast, and you’re three months old today, and we’re going to blink twice and you will be one year old and running around. Something tells me you will be running quite fast…

I realise that I want to stop every day: I want you to stay as you are every day, please, stop getting bigger and bigger. I love everything about you, your smile, your eyes so bright and full of wisdom, your chubby legs, your big feet with catchy fingers, your hands with nails I have big trouble to cut, your punk hair, and your smell. I would write about your bum, too, but I don’t want to embarrass you just yet, dude.

This was a crazy month, half brilliant and half very hard, as these months go by. You rolled on your back and looked straight into my eyes surprised, amazed, asking. I smiled and clapped and congratulated you and gave you one of those big wet kisses on your cheek that hopefully you won’t hate too much in a couple of years. You’re so clever and so strong.

Your father often says he feels like you’re reading him- siting in your pilot chair, looking straight into his face, your eyes following his every move, slowly, seriously. After a while you smile a little bit, and you look away.

You start to laugh more, too.  Sometimes you’re confusing it with crying, it’s a joy to watch.

You’re a joy, happiness in a small human shaped form.

If there is one thing I want to teach you and assure you of and give you to grow with (and there’s milliards of those things, little fella, milliards and then some) - it is to give you a realisation deep inside of  you, that no matter what you do and how you do it- you are enough. Enough as you are, every day. The truth is- majority of our adults’ problems comes from constantly thinking we’re not enough.  Not enough pretty, smart, rich, famous, sexy, and confident.  I need to learn to think of myself as enough, so you don’t think I teach you some bollocks. This is the hardest part.

But for now, and for each new day in your life, know this: you are enough as you are, right now. Everything else you decide to do or become is just a bonus.

Love you so much,

Mama. 

ps. You know, sometimes I look on you and I still don't believe that you are mine, that you have grown inside me, that I gave a birth to you and still, my body makes yours grow each day.  Today I sang you when you couldn't fall asleep and you immediately calmed down. I was susprised and amazed by this but, shouldn't I know better? Shouldn't I know already I'm enough and we're best pals for life? Sleep tight.